Tattoo Idea

This is probably the closest I've come to actually envisioning what I'd want for a tattoo. That's because I finally found a really cool place for one. Saturday night, the opening artist, had a tattoo on her wrist, not the inside of her wrist, the outside. It was where a watch would normally sit, which is good, just in case a situation calls for it to be covered up. Long sleeves would do the trick too. But the tattoo was small, and real classy looking to my eyes. My first idea for a tattoo was the Chinese character for 'dream'.




It's small and simple. I've always associated with this symbol, I even have it hanging on the wall in my office, but something didn't sit quite right. Then it came to me:

I am a dreamer.

THIS is what I want tattooed on my body. I really, really want it now. Time to make it happen.

Musical Discoveries

Today has just been the most amazing day. I didn't set out for it to be that way, I wasn't expecting it, nothing majorly special occurred. It just happened - which is probably why it was so exciting. I knew I had to finish cleaning the house today and hit the grocery store. I woke up at 10am, which is later than I wanted to, but it's the time my body wakes up when an alarm clock doesn't tell it otherwise. I keep waiting for that to change, but it hasn't. I decided to exercise first and get the blood flowing, that was probably the first good decision of the day. After that I sat with my coffee and wasted time on the computer. I shouldn't say 'wasted time', the computer catch-up with the outside world is really the modern day equivalent of sitting around reading the newspaper on a weekend morning. When I had my fill I set about to the task of cleaning.

Of course, I had to have a soundtrack to my labor and I chose Brendan Benson's "My Old Familiar Friend". That cd is definitely on my top 5 or 10 of the year, if I ever get around to writing that blog. I listened to it a total of 2 1/2 times, and that is only because upon dusting my computer keyboard I somehow hit a key that turned the mute on for my computer speakers. I couldn't have done that if I tried, and it took me a bit to figure out that's just what I did. Definitely the snafu of the day, considering I usually break something every time I clean, it was only a mild disturbance. This record took on a whole new meaning for me today. I'm not sure if I felt empowered by it, or because of my existing feeling of empowerment, it resonated with me stronger than ever before.

The cd starts out with these lyrics:

"Take a seat cause there's something I wanna say
Take it easy, don't take it the wrong way

I feel a whole lot better when you're not around
I feel a whole lot better when you're not around

In and out of love, in and out of love"

and ends with these:

"You won't have to borrow
and you won't have to beg
Not likely to follow
Not so easily led

And there's nothing really I can do
and there's nothing really I could say
you do what you want to do
you don't see it any other way, any other way
you don't care what other people say"

and runs the gamut in-between, all infused with infectious pop hooks. I love this cd. As i tweeted, I was having an epiphanous day.

After the cleaning was done, I decided to take a bath. The soundtrack to my bath was David Berkeley. I had first heard his music earlier in the week, when I received an email from the PSALM salon announcing upcoming shows. For some reason, I clicked on the link in the email and was happily surprised. I streamed the music from his myspace page and it was the perfect length for a meditation bath salts and nag champa soap bath. If I was feeling good before the bath, I was feeling amazing afterwards and knew I would go see the PSALM show tonight.

I always feel kind of uncomfortable going out solo, but I wasn't about to let that hold me back.
The musical discovery title of this blog is all about David Berkeley. As I found out tonight, the man's got quite the repertoire and the following. For many of his songs tonight, he took requests from the audience. The audience in this case, was about 50 people, so that's saying something!

PSALM bills itself as Philly's most intimate venue, which it is. It's in a house. The merch table is the kitchen table, along with free wine, food and drink, and homemade Chinese food for $5, which lots of people bought to go. I'll have to remember that for next time, I spent all my spare cash on merch.

I am so, so glad I went to this show tonight. The opener, Jessy Tomsko, is also a promising singer/songwriter. I felt right 'at home' in the venue and was treated to many more songs than I had previously listened to. David told a couple of serenade stories to go along with his songs. I was smiling ear to ear remembering my serenade in the bathtub this afternoon! My favorite song going in was "Fire Sign" and I was so glad when that was suggested by a member of the audience.

should have told me
seemed like an ordinary day
everything seemed to be okay

did it hurt you
these are the scars you never show.
she is a fire sign you know.
one day you're near and then you go

here is a photograph
what do you see
its nothing there but me
oh in the aftermath it hard to breathe
and harder to believe

they deceive you
there was a wall you had to find
the echoes in your mind

you'll surrender
these are the lessons that you learn
no body hears, no one's concerned
one days its clear and then you burn

here is a photograph
what do you see
sorry its just me
oh in the aftermath it hards to breathe
and harder to believe

even just a sound and all your cards are down
even just a sound
let me lie you down, don't have to make a sound
I would lie you down

It surrounds you
sometimes it's easy to believe
sometimes it hurts more then it seems

now it's over
these are the scars you never show
there was a warning sign, you know

one day your near and then you go
one day your near and then you go
one day your near and then you go

Vision Seeding Ritual

I'm reposting this from a myspace blog I wrote before I had this blog. I referenced this ceremony in my Recap of 2009/Wishes for 2010 blog but failed to go into detail, so here it is. I'm beginning to see a trend in my wishes....

For the third year, my daughters and I have performed a 'vision seeding ritual' to effectively plant our seeds or wishes and send them out to the universe. We like to call it our 3 wishes ceremony. I took the idea from a book called Moon Mother Moon Daughter, which I highly recommend to anyone with coming of age daughters. The book suggests ways to reconnect our daughters to the lunar cycle and goddess myths that have been lost in our consumer culture. It celebrates the girls' approaching womanhood and focuses on a community of women.

We have our ceremony between Christmas and New Years, any night that it is just the 4 of us and we have some time to ourselves. The first year the girls were resistant and pretty weirded out, but as soon as we got going they amazed me. Now they are used to it and I start reminding them a few days prior to begin thinking about their wishes for the new year.

I light a candle in the middle of the table and we all sit around it. We each have a pen and paper, and beforehand we cut out 'seeds' from construction paper. We take about 10-15 minutes to write out our wish lists on the paper. Once that is done we share them and identify our 3 favorites, or the 3 that mean the most to us. The best part of the ritual comes next, we find the word that signifies the essence of our wishes. Every year I am amazed at the words they come up with.

We then go round the table and take turns 'planting' our seeds in a brown paper bag. I've used the same bag since the first year, so its been fun pulling out our wishes from previous years and discussing how and in what ways they came true. I should mention that often the seeds are decorated with all sorts of doodles, drawings and phrases appropriate to the wish. When each of us sends out our wish to the universe, we all hoot and holler along, giving that wish much emphasis and power!

This year I went in knowing the essence of my wishes, much to the girls chagrin because they wanted to help in finding just the right word. Next year, I may leave the essence in their hands.

So the purpose of this lengthy blog is to state my wishes for 2008, even though I feel corny as hell in doing so. Here goes anyway: my wishes for 2008 are romance, joy, and abundance.

Hopefully it won't take me until the end of 2008 to blog about my progress..

Transition to Paradise, or About Me, and most importantly Haiti

So, I've been blogging in my head over the past few days. Many things on my mind, not the least of which is the situation in Haiti. My fascination with Haiti began when I first read Edwidge Danticat's, The Farming of Bones. Soon after, I found out my cousins were planning to adopt a Haitian boy. Definitely one of those coincidences in life I have learned to pay attention to. Since then, I have read Danticat's, Brother I'm Dying, and my cousins have permanently moved to Haiti with their family. Besides being deeply affected by the tragic earthquake this week as a human, my personal ties have made the burden I carry that much heavier.

Speaking of burdens, the transition I speak of is about releasing a burden I've been carrying with me for quite some time. An emotional burden. One I have now effectively severed ties with in the present tense, however the history associated with this burden and the habit of carrying it around is making it much more difficult to release it for good. Though I am getting better at it every day. Actually as I type this and reflect on the most recent events surrounding it, I realize I am in it and I'm not feeling it. It's almost as if....do I dare say it?....yes, I really don't care anymore. Whatever's whatever. I'm not going to let it take up anymore of my energy. Paradise.
See? Transition to paradise. Exactly.

I intended to write about the lunar eclipse that ushered in the new year and the solar eclipse of today and the effects it had on my sign, Cancer. I'm not feeling the urge to post my own interpretation anymore. Suffice to say that it was supposed to have a huge impact on a close relationship and my needs, and it certainly has.

Another easy segue; now for the 'About Me' part of this blog. I've come to the conclusion that in most of the important relationships in my life, it's never been 'about me'. Not that it has to be all the time, or even most of the time, but it should never be 'this is not about you' or 'you shouldn't be feeling that way'. Never. If two people are involved, even if the discussion revolves around only one of them, the other one obviously cares enough to be there, and should be valued as such. Not devalued, or used. I've put myself in that position way too often. It's time to focus my energies elsewhere.

On the personal front, I am stronger. I desperately wish I could do more for those in need in Haiti. I believe I spoke about that dreaded helpless feeling in my last blog. Here is the link to my cousins' organization. Please help.

Joy in Hope

2009 Survey

Better late than never, but being that Mercury is still retrograde I think my time is well spent on these reflections. See my previous blog for more details.

1. What did you do in 2009 that you'd never done before?
I starting seeing a chiropractor on a regular basis. I decorated my room for the first time ever as an adult, which sounds pretty pathetic, but until this year I never had my room painted and redone as an adult on my own. I went to a bike race. I went to Cleveland for the first time.

2. Did you keep your New Year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
My new year's resolution's are better described as intentions. My girls and I have a ceremony each year between the solstice and the new year and send out our intentions to the universe with a flourish. It's awesome to see how theirs have evolved as they've matured. Ok, so mine for last year were.....well, I can't seem to find them. I had them recently because we always look back at our wishes for the previous year and talk about how they were realized. I reserve the right to come back and edit this once I find them.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
No, my cousins family is constantly growing but not by birth.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
No, thank goodness.

5. What countries did you visit?
Sadly, I did not leave the United States this year.

6. What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009?
I'll echo Chrys here and say romance, which was one of my wishes for 2010. It's time. I also wished for excitement which I now realize that I have to somehow balance that with satisfying my spiritual side. I definitely felt a spiritual lacking in 2009. Not that spiritual endeavors can't be enjoyable, but I have to temper wild times with some grounding methodologies. But man, I still crave excitement! My third wish for 2010 was health, good health. 2009 wasn't exactly a healthy year for myself and those around me.

Those were my top 3 wishes for 2010. However, my list didn't end there. Along with the aforementioned spiritual activities, I would also like to kick up my creativity by several notches. I would like to keep my job, to not hibernate all winter long, to travel further this year and spend more time with friends, to complete some long overdue home improvement projects, and to have enough funds to cover all that.

7. What date from 2009 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
February 24 - Christa's first visit to the orthopedic specialist
Most of August - Lollapalooza and my family reunion
September 26 - met Mark Lanegan
December 11
December 18

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Wow, offhand I can't think of one biggest achievement of the year. Perhaps remaining optimistic in the face of adversity? Surviving and realizing my own strength? Not letting anything get in the way of what I know needs to be done? Yes, yes and yes. In a nutshell, I'd call it taking care of my family.

9. What was your biggest failure?
Since I have to answer this question, it would be not keeping up with my creative and spiritual sides. I missed that in 2009.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? Anything bad?
I suffered from pain and numbness in my right arm. This resulted in an MRI and weeks of visits to the chiropractor and physical therapy. I have some arthritis in my neck, and some spinal disc herniation and degeneration. All along, the docs who looked at my films advised I have the same problem on both sides, although I was only feeling it on the right side. As of a few days ago, the numbness surfaced down my left arm. This means maintenance visits to the chiropractor and continuing with my home exercise regimen and use of the my manual traction device.

11. What were the best things you bought?
I bought a new larger crock pot and I am loving the hell out of it! I obsessed on orange this past summer and purchased several orange tops as well as several orange bags and even a pair of orange sandals! Of course, a new bedspread, curtains, and accessories for my room. Plane tickets and books and cd's round out the 'best' list.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
My daughter Christa for being so brave and strong this year. Her treatments took up so much of her time, and she almost never complained, never used them or her scoliosis to get out of doing anything, and still pulled a straight A in school and kept up with her extra curricular activities as well. She is my hero!

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
My ex-husband. A corporation. Me sometimes.

14. Where did most of your money go?
Medical expenses, medical expenses, and food. Food got really expensive this year.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Going to Cleveland to see Soulsavers! Going to Lolla to see TOOL!

16. What song/s will always remind you of 2009?
Passion Pit - Sleepyhead. Love this song, it's impossible to listen and not smile and bob along. I needed that this year.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. Happier or sadder? Probably sadder, but I don't plan on staying that way.
ii. Thinner or fatter? Same.
iii. Richer or poorer? Poorer overall. The bank accounts took a hit this year.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
I wish I'd taken myself on more artist dates. I wish I'd seen more movies, read more books and gone to more concerts.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Less worrying and less anger. I wish I didn't let my emotions get the best of me on a few occasions. I wish I didn't let my girls see me at my worst moments.

20. How will you be spending Christmas?
I spent it with family as usual.

21. Did you fall in love in 2009?
Nope.

22. How many one-night stands?
Can I plead the fifth on this one? I'm tempted to use the old hand standard. LOL, I know Chrys will remember that one.

24. What was your favorite TV program?
Dexter and True Blood. I can't say enough about either show. Who do I love more, a vampire or a serial killer?

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
Hate is a very strong word and I don't like to use it. Feelings have changed over the year, but I don't hate anyone.

26. What was the best book you read?
The surprise of the year for me was Outlander byDiana Gabaldon. It was recommended to me by Tricia during our visit to Bookhaven. It's a book about a time traveling woman with a husband in 1940's war torn England and a young Scots warrior lover in 1743. At first it seemed kinda light for my tastes, but who am I kidding? I couldn't put it down. Luckily for me, it's a series so I have plenty of sequels to spend lonely nights with.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
I'm finding there is so much new music to devour every year. One of the things I am forever grateful for. My personal favorites this year: Soulsavers - Broken, The Swell Season - Strict Joy, Regina Spektor -Far (her cd hasn't let my car stereo in months!), Alice in Chains - Black Gives Way to Blue, Passion Pit- Chunk of Change (this technically was released in 2008, but I don't own the full length cd that was released in 09) and One Eskimo, whose cd I don't own because I can't find it anywhere but whose music took me by surprise. Brenda Benson deserves a mention too, I spent a lot of time with My Old, Familiar Friend this year. I'm sure there are others I'm forgetting.

28. What did you want and get?
Hmmm, I can't think of anything.

29. What did you want and not get?
Something that was owed to me, which I'll never recover.

30. What was your favorite film of this year?
Coraline was my most anticipated movie of the year. Wolverine (Hugh Jackman, yum) Watchmen. The Reader. Up. I didn't see many movies this year.

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
42, and what did I do? I have no recollection. I'm sure my girls made me feel special.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Keeping a cool head.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2009?
What personal fashion concept? As long as it's comfy and keeps me warm/cool in appropriate weather, it works for me. Although I did have a notion to wear more dresses this summer which resulted in me buying and wearing exactly 1 dress. I've already had my eye on others for this year's warmer months. I have invested in many pieces of jewelry. My wardrobe has to catch up with that. Like I mentioned, I was completely drawn to orange this year. Like I had to have it. Now I'm thinking maybe I should come up with a fashion plan.

34. What kept you sane?
My responsibilities.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Mark Lanegan. Can he be really be considered a celebrity/public figure though? Only in a small circle. So I'll also mention my favorite vampire and serial killer, Stephen Moyer and Michael C. Hall.

36. What political issue stirred you the most?
Health Care reform. It affects me on so many levels, as a citizen, as a consumer and as an employee.

37. Who did you miss?
My west coast friends. That's usually the case every year.

38. Who was the best new person you met?
The best new person I met this year would have to be Dr. Brandie, our chiropractor. She's helped both Christa and myself this year, and will continue to help us along with Teresa in 2010.

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2009.
I don't know that I learned anything particularly new but some life lessons were definitely reiterated. For example, the only person you can truly count on is yourself. You can't help anyone unless they want to help themselves. When life throws you lemons, make lemonade! Ha

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
I'm thinking of so many, but they are all moments in time, not representative of the entire year.
I'm going to go with Lesson Learned by Brendan Benson.

Forget what you see
and what you thought was true
Its not really me
Speaking to you
Forget how you feel
Forget all your dreams
'Cause nothing is real
Its not how it seems

Forget what you've heard
And all that was said
the lines get blurred
Its all in your head
Forget what is right
Forget who you are
When you see the light
Its no longer a star

And we'll chalk it up to a lesson learned
And hopefully, by now you'll senses have returned
And I guess its back to the drawing board
To recreate the conversation
With no lack of communication
And to wait for sanity to be restored

This survey took a chunk of time, but I think it was well worth it. I cannot wait to get into the thick of 2010. I just started reading a book tonight that I'm hoping will set the tone for the entire year. I'm sure I'll be blogging about that at some point :)

Recap of 2009/ Wishes for 2010

Another year gone, and by the end of this one, I was more than glad to see it go. Of course, it had its many highlights, most notably my previous blog, but there were plenty of low points as well. I'll try and focus on the good stuff.

The year started off splendidly in January with a Facebook High School Reunion. The day and night were so much fun and it was an amazing experience to rekindle some lost friendships and remind myself why others never got old.

February brought perhaps the biggest and most worrisome event of all. Christa was diagnosed with scoliosis, severe enough to require follow-ups and complete uncertainty due to her still growing body. Thanks to my good friend Gina for setting me straight and pointing us in the chiropractic direction. Christa's last x-ray in August resulted in another 'wait and see' diagnosis, but at least I feel I'm doing something for her in the meantime. One of the worst feelings for me is helplessness and I felt that more than once this year.

March brought another huge blow, financially and emotionally. The effects of this carried through the entire year and I'm afraid I'll be feeling them for the next several years.

I spent a weekend in April with my good friend Tricia. We went to see Kings of Leon together, spent hours in a used book store, toured Eastern State Penitentiary (I did that with Tam too, in March) and generally rediscovered our friendship. We had the best time! I felt like I was 17 again, only this time we could get into as much trouble as we wanted!

In June, Tam and I went to the bike race in Manayunk. Long one of my favorite places in Philly, this event was pretty exciting. I hope to do it again. I also bailed on the PJ Harvey concert that night, which unfortunately became a staple for me this year. So many concerts to attend, and I let my travel/weather fears turn me into my mother :(

July is always a family friendly month with our annual July 4th extravaganza at my mom's in Southampton. I should mention that my cousin Dominick moved to the Philadelphia area from Florida in June. It has been great having him around, and having my girls get to know him. We also spent a week in Ocean City, NJ in July.



August brought 2 major events. (Hmm, now I'm starting to think the year wasn't so bad after all....) Lollapalooza and our first ever Mangine Family reunion. Lollapalooza was a blast, as it always is spending time with my amazing friends. Seeing Tool tour behind absolutely nothing wasn't so bad either. Other band highlights for me were Band of Horses, Passion Pit, Kings of Leon (again) and even Snoop Dogg because the crowd was contagious! I'm sure I'm missing lots of bands here. Making memories with my friends is always the best part - there were the tablecloth ponchos, the red contact lens, Maynard's wine in a high rise condo, sitting round a fire, and of course the Pants! I love Chicago!

Our family reunion was another unforgettable experience. I hope we continue it as an annual tradition. The setting this year was superb, at my cousins' KC and Kristi's farm in upstate New York. I know my girls will never forget that weekend. Let's see, playing "I'm Going on a Picnic" and making s'mores round the fire, getting odd looks at the Farmer's Market for our matching t-shirts, getting rained on after our cookout, Cooperstown and the Baseball Hall of Fame and of course getting in trouble at the hotel!

September started out with Teresa's Sweet 16 party, which I think she really appreciated and enjoyed. The month ended with the aforementioned highlight of the year, my trip to Cleveland and meeting Mark Lanegan.

Edgar Allen Poe dominated my October. First was his funeral in Baltimore and then Haunted Poe at Halloween.

November was quite the concert month for me. I won Mother of the Year award by taking Julia and Christa to see Miley Cyrus (NOT Hannah Montana!). I redeemed myself by seeing The Swell Season and Amanda Palmer.

Who can forget my crazy weekend in NYC in December? As I've said, that was one for the record books, and that's all I'll say, lol. The year also included several day trips to NYC, Christa's tap competitions, a night spent listening to Maya Angelou, a couple of Phillies games, and other excursions, like the National Cathedral in DC. Unfortunately December also included another worrisome, helpless feeling situation. I'm usually one to focus on the positive, however my nature is to want to fix things and set things on the right path again. When I am helpless in this regard, when there is nothing I can do but worry from afar, which doesn't help matters at all, this sets my personal world into a huge tizzy. I'm still recovering from that.

After putting the whole year into perspective, it wasn't half bad, the highs were real high, and the lows were very low. That's life though. I guess I wouldn't want it any other way, because how then would I appreciate what I do have? Having said that, there is always room for more. Hence my 3 wishes for 2010, which I will just list here, rather than elaborate, in order to infuse them with more power:

Health +
Excitement!!
Romance <3

I am more than ready for 2010 and whatever it may bring. One final word: Soundgarden!

Soulsavers featuring Mark Lanegan

This blog has been sitting in drafts for over 3 months. I'm posting it as is, because I want to get to the real deal - My end of year 2009/wishes for 2010 blog. All of my 3 readers know the ending to this story anyway :)

Once again, I've slacked off on the blog. Unapologetically I might add. But the events of this past weekend are a great excuse for getting it down, before I forget the details, because I'll want to remember this for a long time to come.

Soulsavers released a new record last month, another collaboration with Mark Lanegan. A short US tour was announced. No Philly date so I got it in my head to travel to Cleveland for the show there. It was on a Saturday night and I could spend time with my friend and fellow Lanegan devotee, Sergio. Sergio snagged the tickets and I started looking for flights. I wasn't having much luck and flight prices kept increasing the closer the show got. I resigned myself to the fact that I would have to miss Mark this time around. I told Sergio I wouldn't be able to make it.

I began to search around for other plans for the weekend. On Wednesday, on a whim, I went online and looked up flights again. Hmm, I found a round trip flight that would have me to Cleveland and back in just over 24 hours at a price I could afford. The wheels started turning. I quickly contacted Sergio to make sure he hadn't made other plans. He hadn't. It was a go. Holy Smokes! I was going to Cleveland to see Soulsavers and Mark Lanegan!!