Hodophobia

On the eve of the second major snowfall in less than a week, I thought I'd write a little about the hodophobia I apparently suffer from. My daughter diagnosed me at the dinner table a couple of weeks ago when I cancelled plans, due to the snow, disappointing myself and others.

Here are the 9 symptoms of hodophobia taken from wrongdiagnosis.com:

• Irrational fear of travel
• Feeling of panic
• Feeling of terror
• Feeling of dread
• Rapid heartbeat
• Shortness of breath
• Trembling
• Anxiety
• Extreme avoidance measures taken

Taking a look at these, I can make a strong case against having this. I definitely don't have an irrational fear of travel altogether. I'll get on a bus, a train, even a plane, no problem. I love to drive. Give me a beautiful day, an open road, some good tunes and I'm am happy as a pig in you-know-what. I look forward to those days. Add torrential downpours, snow, or dark, winding, unfamiliar roads and that's when my fear sets in. I won't call it irrational, because to me, it's entirely rational.

I definitely don't experience panic, terror, dread, rapid heartbeat, shortness of breath, or trembling. But that's due to symptom #9. I won't drive when any of the above conditions are present, so I don't experience symptoms 2-7.

Do I take 'extreme avoidance measures'? Depends on your definition of extreme. Have I cancelled plans due to the weather? Yes. Have I rearranged an entire weekend trip, spent a fortune on trains, and added hours to my travel time just so I didn't have to drive in the rain? Guilty.

In my defense, this all started after a bad accident in the snow, where I hit a patch of ice and flew across a 4 lane expressway, taking down a couple of other cars with me, and thinking I had just murdered my entire family.

Post traumatic stress disorder? Ok, so maybe I have hodophobia limited to driving and bad weather conditions. I wonder if there's a specific word for that. If I had to leave the house in the next couple of days to find out, well then, hodophobia it is.

Samsara

I barely blogged in 2009, so when I started blogging again this year (I've blogged more in one month than I did in the entire year prior), I looked at the possibility of revamping my blog. I changed some things, still want to add some links, and am toying with others. However one thing I took a long, hard look at was the name of my blog, Samsara. I wanted to remember why I decided upon that name and to explore what it means to me now, to determine if a change was in order. I ultimately decided to keep the name, but thought a blog of rationalization/relevance might be the way to go. This will be totally self-indulgent, but that's redundant in itself since the very idea and word 'blog' could be an entry in the dictionary under self-indulgence. Redundancy abounds, it seems!

The name of this blog comes from The Tea Party song by the same name. I love this song and this (unfortunately, defunct) band. Here are the lyrics:

Please would you tell me my friend
Which direction is the way
Because I'm lost, I'm confused
This reality we choose
is a long, long way from the dream

All you'll feel is pain and suffering
Wading through Samsara

Yes but i've heard that before
From those teachers of dreams
But it's old and it's cold
I just can't feel it in my soul
Am i damned to a life of extremes

All you'll feel is pain and suffering
Wading through Samsara

But I've looked to the east
And I've prayed in the west
What I know, I've seen
You just couldn't imagine
Where I've been
And I feel at this time
I just need to rest
And i'd like us to stay here
I would love us to stay here
Would you let me stay here, please...

Dictionary.com's definition of Samsara: The eternal cycle of birth, suffering, death, and rebirth.

At the same time I was thinking about this, I was reading my We'Moon for 2010. This year's theme is "Reinvent the Wheel". From the introduction to the theme, "The Wheel is an ancient metaphor for the great cycles of Karma/Destiny/Fate, of Life and Death. From the nucleus of an atom to the hub of the universe, through the Wheel of the Year and the flux of life cycles, we are caught up in the mysterious turns of personal, planetary and galactic rhythms." Of course my synchronicity radar perked up at that.

A google search led me to an article that starts out like this: Samsara literally means "wandering-on." A few paragraphs later the author talks about the Buddha wanting to stop Samsara-ing, because it's like giving up an addiction and we can learn to stop creating worlds of suffering. Now maybe I'm not reading into this correctly, (and I'm aware the end of Samsara indicates the end of suffering and attaining Nirvana) but in my own interpretation, if Samsara is the process of giving up the self-imposed suffering, and indeed wandering on, to the next thing - then hopefully one has learned from the previous incarnation, and won't make the same mistake twice. But one can only, truly Samsara, if they've given something up, or recovered from something and learned from it. I think continual growth and moving on, the process in itself, is a major part of life. Sure we suffer, but knowing there is another step, knowing it is a process, does help. I'm not saying anyone should be pleased with suffering, but that only by experiencing it does one know what they don't want and can make the decision to Samsara to the next, better thing. Now I'm no Buddhist, and this is purely my own take on things, but I don't think Samsara should end, just like the Wheel, its continually turning, life in motion.

I wouldn't mind hearing any other expert opinions and interpretations. This is definitely something I'm interesting in learning more about. It seems the more I read, the more confused I sometimes get.

Personally, I feel like I have definitely experienced a Samsara of sorts, and I'm sure it's not the last one. So the title Samsara is imminently relevant and meaningful to me, and I'm sticking with it!