The Spaces Between the Stars

I just finished reading The Merlin Effect, written by T.A. Barron. It was one of my daughter's reading olympics books. I always have a pile of books on my nightstand which my daughters add to whenever they've finished a book that they feel I must read as well. I was intrigued by the title, the connection to King Arthur, and not the least by the pangs of guilt because I still need to read The Mists of Avalon.

The Merlin Effect is about a young girl, Kate, in Baja for a research project with her father, a historian. The other members of the team consisted of Isabella, a marine biologist and Terry, a geologist. All 3 were participating for their own gains under the ruse of being a team. Her father was looking for The Resurrection, a 1547 Spanish galleon lost at sea and through folk legend rumored to have carried Merlin's horn. The marine biologist was studying sea life and the geologist, undersea volcanic activity. I loved the different themes played out in this story- science, myth, history, spirituality - even more so since this is a young adult book - and one my kid thoroughly enjoyed.

Certain parts of the book struck me, which is why I knew I should write about it. Kate's in-depth conversation with Isabella, regarding the spiral of DNA and the evolutionary creation of life, began with "All the future lies within the present" and ended with my favorite quote:

"Just as every star is part of creation, so are all the empty spaces between the stars."

Kate's conversation with Geoffrey towards the end of their adventure held more favorite quotes and life affirming realizations: "If you can choose, you can create." The magic of the horn has more to do with renewed life than everlasting life. It turns out Kate had the power all along, the knowledge that she could choose her own life, each and every day - to begin again. This has nothing to do with age, for each moment holds it own beauty and promise of hope and potential for change. It's our choice to make something of these moments and days in our lives, old or young, the lesson pertains to all of us.

"Never doubt the spiral horn,
Holds a power newly born,
Holds a power newly great,
Holds a power you create."

At the same time I was reading this book, I was also obsessing on a song by Dan Wilson, Free Life. Here are the lyrics:

Let's take a little trip down where we used to go
It's way beyond the strip a place they call your soul
We'll sit down for a while and let the evening roll


Don't worry 'bout the time we'll find a place to stay
The people 'round here seem familiar in some way
Look kinda like we did before we got so cold


And in the air the questions hang
Will we get to do something
Who we gonna end up being
How we gonna end up feeling
What you gonna spend your free life on?
Free life

Let's fall in love again with music as our guide
We'll raise our ready hands and let go for the ride
Down into unknown lands where lovers needn't hide


We got these lives for free we don't know where they've been
We don't know where they'll go when we are through with them
The starlight of the sun the dark side of the moon


And in the air the questions hang
Will we get to do something
Who we gonna end up being
How we gonna end up feeling
What you gonna spend your free life on?
Free life
Free life
Free life


It seems so long ago those empty afternoons
With nowhere much to go and nothing much to do
But sit up in my room and let the world unfold


In the air the questions hang
Will we get to do something
Who we gonna end up being
How we gonna end up feeling
What you gonna spend your free life on?


In the air the questions hang
Will we get to do something
Who we gonna end up being
How we gonna end up feeling
What you gonna spend your free life on?
Free life
Free life
Free life
Free life

I kept coming back to this song after I finished the book. I thought they went well together, both reminders that we get to choose, this life is ours, given to us free. The years, months, days, hours, minutes - -it's basically up to us - it's up to me to decide where I want to live, what I want to do, who I want to spend it with. Sure, there are obligations, but at the end of the day, we only have to live with ourselves.

I just love how synchronicity bestows itself upon me. From the moment years ago, when I decided to pay attention, it hasn't failed me. Besides the obvious message, I'm not exactly sure what this song and book may be leading me to, but they are just the most recent two in a flurry of similar ideas being thrown my way. I can't let go of the Tool connection either, (a very personal one), and I wonder what the next step will be....

The Waiting Room

As I usually do on weekend evenings when I stay in (which is 99.9% of weekend evenings), I watch a movie on demand from my cable carrier. Last night's choices were The Darjeeling Limited, Eastern Promises, Superheroes, and The Waiting Room. And my choice, more often than I care to admit leans toward a love story. From the preview The Waiting Room seemed to be a love at first sight type of movie and I'm always curious to see how that works out. The romantic in me has not completely ruled out the possibility. Spoiler alert from here on in: I thoroughly enjoyed the movie, the plot lines for the two main characters were interesting and very real, however the plot involving the two of them together was practically non-existent. The two meet by chance in the waiting room of a train station, exchange only niceties, yet can't get each other out of their minds. Life goes on and at the very end of the movie, they meet again in the same place, and walk off holding hands. Even the most hopelessly romantic cannot be hopeful in this situation. Could we have at least a conversation? A connection, something they have in common? During the movie we learn that the man is not ready for kids, meanwhile the woman has one. And we're supposed to believe things will work out in the end? Another crazy thing that bugged me was that the man's live-in girlfriend was painting and redecorating their apartment. When they split up, he stayed in the apartment! I know that's petty, but I thought she should have kicked him out. Maybe I was looking for more of the falling in love story, no, that's exactly what I was looking for. Like I said, I did enjoy the movie overall, but I would have liked more meat in their story.

The moral of the story is that the movie started me thinking about my own life and love. Have I ever met someone and instantly known that it was love at first sight? Hell no. But have I known on first 'meeting', that this encounter might lead to something else? Yes. I've only ever thought I was in love twice, and now after the fact I question if it really was love. Does love only count when you're in the midst of it? For as long as I've lived this life, I'm still rather clueless when it comes to matters of the heart. Not my own heart, I know that one pretty well, but I am not as good at reading other people's. I truly believe love and joy are two of our primary purposes as human beings, but I question whether that love is meant to be of the romantic kind. I'm not looking for love nor am I lacking for love in my life, but the mystery is still out there. What if? When? Where? Why? and perhaps most mysteriously, Who?

Tonight I will stay away from those types of movies ;)

To Blog or Not to Blog

My head is literally full of ideas for blogs, most of which I forget soon after I think them up. But in this blog attempt, I thought I should write about the reason I set up this blogger account. If not for any potential readers, then to rationalize it for myself. Honestly, I’ve occasionally thought about setting up a blog for a few years. I was once told that ‘blogs are just a call for attention’, which served to put the idea right out of my head. But this time I took the plunge, mostly as a challenge to myself, to see if I could devote the time necessary to maintain and update a blog on a semi-regular basis.

Those that know me know that writing is one my desires. Sharing is one of my pitfalls. Reading is also a passion of mine. I decided a few years ago that my ultimate ‘to do’ in life would be to own and run a book shop - a funky little bookshop, including books and graphic novels with a political, social, cultural, environmental, spiritual bend. The shop would feature discussion groups, various events and of course coffee. I imagine it growing into a community of sorts. The shop would be an extension of my own interests and cater to like minded individuals. In my heart, this would be an amazing way of life.

However, the reality is that I’ve got kids to raise and I need my real job to do that. Who knows how I’ll feel when that responsibility is completed. A friend of mine suggested that instead of a brick and mortar shop, I create an online one. I could write reviews and sell books. What a great idea! In my mind I envisioned an interactive site, where readers/customers could leave their own reviews and comments. Perhaps I could even sell coffee according to my original plan. I immediately researched the cost of a website and obtaining a name and business license – all reasonable costs. I spoke to my girls and they suggested that they each contribute a section catering to their own interests, such as anime and history.

My biggest concern was time. Would I have the time to keep it up and running? Would I or my kids lose interest? Would I start and not follow through? Would I stress myself out? Would I actually write and post reviews? So my solution for the time being was this blog. For now, I’ll see where it takes me.