My summer vacation will be spent in my bathroom

I've been living in my current home just shy of 16 years now. Its definitely meets the criteria for the definition of home, mostly because I've raised my kids in this house and in this community. Having said that, I'm sure they feel more of a connection to this place than I do. I know I felt (and still do) a sort of possessiveness over the house I grew up in and the town in which it was located. I experienced all my firsts in that location, I am a by-product of that place and time. When I dream, home is that house in East Meadow, NY, and I suspect it always will be.

I am so eager to move on and make a home of my very own, for the very first time in my life. Now that it is within reasonable reach, I do know I will feel sad upon leaving this house because of the memories it holds. I hope that sadness is tempered by the excitement of something new.

However, this blog was prompted by an annoying aspect of home. Every year I try to make some sort of home improvement knowing that I need to keep the place in sellable shape and maintain a level of comfort for the years left in residence. Last year, we re-painted and decorated two bedrooms. The year before that I had some trees trimmed, I've replaced the fence and had the driveway and apron re-done. There have been several minor maintenance jobs in between. This year, I have no choice but to remodel the main bathroom. I've been wanting to remodel the kitchen, but the bathroom cannot wait. I had 2 contractors come out to take a look and am now waiting for their estimates. I have a sinking feeling the expense is going to be more than I bargained for.

Of course, the trees are in need of trimming once again, the driveway needs re-sealing, the deck is way over due for new stain and seal, a door needs repair, and I've also noticed something (probably plural) is living in my flower bed. This is all forgetting the desired kitchen remodel.

Update: I received both estimates and went with the cheaper one, mostly because I've seen his work and liked it. The estimate is just above the amount of my entire tax return plus my merit increase I received in one lump sum on Friday. So that's it, there goes everything else and I'll keep my fingers crossed nothing breaks down until next year this time. I've already decided not to spend the usual week at the Jersey shore with my girls. We'll be spending a week at Grandma's instead. As for my own personal vacation, that remains to be seen. I'd feel pretty guilty taking a vacation on my own and canceling the one with the girls. However, they are going on vacation with their dad the first week of August, which of course coincides with Lollapalooza. If Soundgarden is at Lolla, I have no choice but to scrape together the dough and make it happen. I'd regret it otherwise, and I am not about regrets in this lifetime. Short of that, I don't know. I don't want to set myself up for a shortfall if something comes up that I have to deal with. I won't dig further into savings either. I'm all I have.

I hate decision making when it comes to home improvements vs. fun. I will force myself to take long bubble baths, with a glass of wine, listening to jazz music. I know how rejuvenating that can be. I'm hoping it will be even more so in a nice bathroom.

The other part of this that sucks is that this is the year where I finally have extra vacation time. I have places I want to go, the time to do it, but not the funds. I'm trying to stay positive and have already begun to look at local places that I have yet to take advantage of. In that respect, perhaps this is a blessing in disguise. In keeping with my positive attitude, I will make it so.