"Autumn, the year's last, loveliest smile." -- William Cullen Bryant

“Every leaf speaks bliss to me, fluttering from the autumn tree” Emily Bronte



“Autumn burned brightly, a running flame through the mountains, a torch flung to the trees.” Faith Baldwin


“A wind has blown the rain away and blown the sky away and all the leaves away, and the trees stand. I think, I too, have known autumn too long.” E E Cummings


Every year in November, I spend some time in Valley Forge park at my self- proclaimed 'freedom tree' with the obelisk at my back, journaling. This year, it was earlier than usual and I was able to capture some color on the trees. I love this time of year, even with the knowledge of winter ahead, its beautiful to see nature slow down and shed its skin in preparation for the big sleep and ultimate rejuvenation.

Get Off My Lawn!

It's garbage night. I'm running around the house making sure I have all the recyclables and anything I need to throw out. As it is, the living room is chock full of shopping bags full of old clothing and toys I'm waiting to give away, as well as tubs and boxes of fall decorations I'm in the middle of putting out - so I'm concentrating extra hard so I can clear out as much off the clutter as possible. Then out of the corner of my eye I see a kid (a big kid) run up my lawn. I jump to the door and start yelling as I see a big limb of my ever shrinking (I don't know what it is but it's pretty) tree laying across the side walk and hanging over the street. Then I yell louder "Yo! Yo! Get back here! You broke my tree!" (yes I'm so couth). Of course at this, the kids who are really young men start running. My own girls are hiding just in case it gets out that they live here and it's their mom who is the crazy woman.



I am so aggravated. I can't remove the limb myself, and if I could I'd be afraid I'd damage the tree further. Last spring, I had a dead limb cut off and I was so proud of the red leaves that bloomed after. It looked the best it had in a long time. And now, this. Plus, I can't leave the limb hanging like that for long so I'm in a quandary. Not to mention I'm gonna have to pay someone to remove it.



Freaking brats! This just reinforces the idea that I need to move. I keep shelling out money for the upkeep of the outside of the house (not beautifying mind you, just basic maintenance) every year, and ignoring the inside except when absolutely necessary, like clogged drains and animal traps. There'd be so much less outside work if I were in a townhome. Granted, I love planting flowers, I love the snow on the holly trees, I love the idea of a garden - but if I haven't done that in 15 years I doubt I will anytime soon. And now, with things the way they are, I won't make my move anytime soon.

The next morning I notice that the branch was conveniently bent back onto my lawn instead of over the sidewalk, however still attached to the tree. I appreciate whoever did that, that act bought me some time. Today while I was out, the lawn guys came to cut my lawn. They broke off the branch and moved it to a corner of my driveway. Again, more appreciation. I dragged the branch into the backyard to await the next bulk pickup and now all that's left is to find someone with a saw so I can attempt to shave off what's left of the branch and even it out. So after all my internal complaining, things did work out.

I know the kids were being just that, so I can summon up a modicum of understanding and forgiveness, however glad I am that they ran scared, because hopefully they'll think twice before playing around on someone else's tree. I can even forgive myself for becoming the old lady I despised as a kid.

Keep breathing :)

Summer's End

I'm getting this in just under the wire. Since this was one of the busiest summers I can remember, I wanted to take a moment and try to sum it up for myself (reflect, ponder - it's one of my favorite pastimes).

It began in June with my trip to Orcas Island, which I meant to blog about at some length but never got around to. Suffice it to say that this island affects me like no other place and I came away, once again, with a different outlook and slightly changed. It still amazes me that such a place with unaltered natural beauty exists on this planet, never mind in our own country. It is a truly magical island, as soon as I step foot ashore, I feel IT. I had the time to really delve within and explore and came away with some new realizations - which I'm sure played a part in the progression of my life since then.

Chrys and I took a mid-week trip on the ferry to Vancouver Island and bussed it to Victoria. I've now crossed the border by boat, plane, bus and automobile. I think I've got it covered. Besides the fact that I was freezing, we had a wonderful adventure. We had no plans, just hopped the ferry and decided to wing it for the next 24 hours. It was a blast!



Up next was the July 4th annual weekend on Long Island. It was cold and rainy this year, so I never went in the pool. But that didn't stop the Scrabble!

I blogged about Lollapalooza in depth below, but before that was my daughter's Consortium Art Show. This is the real reason for this blog, it gives me an excuse to post her artwork.








This last one is part of the "Dark Collaboration" between my daughter and her friend. What I loved best about this is that outside the character descriptions which were on a huge piece of posterboard, there exists commentaries about the characters. In the original pic, you can easily read the commentary, but I will post it here:

"Goths can be patriotic too???"
"Marilyn Manson and Ziggy Stardust got drunk one day."
"He deserves to be drawn wearing a dirndl. It'd suit him."
"Now I feel like drawing him in a dress just to see how it'd look."
"Do it then! hahaha"




Ok, maybe that's a little too much insight into my teenager's mind.....

The summer wound up with a great, relaxing trip to Ocean City, NJ immediately followed by back to school and a big family wedding. Of course there were countless interesting moments in between. Now when I should be fretting about the onslaught of schoolwork and related events, I'm content to be back in my routine and not living out of a suitcase.

The New Classics: Books

This is my long awaited (for me, anyway) follow up to The Big Read. EW composed a list of the 50 books they considered new classics, so this list is much more current than The Big Read. I wonder if more people have read these since their publication dates extend into the current century. Lots more of these are recognizable as movies. I've put comments next to the titles for the ones I've read or have something to say about.

The New Classics: Books

1. The Road , Cormac McCarthy (2006)
A father and son trudge across an ashen American landscape in the wake of some unnamed apocalypse, fighting off sexually predatory bandits, scavenging for food, uncovering charnel-house horrors, then moving on, constantly moving on, toward some mirage of a better future. We don't need writers of Cormac McCarthy's caliber to inform us of looming planetary catastrophes; we can read the newspaper for that. We need McCarthy to imagine the fate of the human soul if the worst really does come to pass; what he depicts in The Road is strange, awful, tender, and, in the end, surprising.

2. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, J.K. Rowling (2000)
The first three Harry Potter novels were pure kid stuff until, unexpectedly, Rowling went epic and dark —killing children, resurrecting evil, and sending Harry to war.

3. Beloved, Toni Morrison (1987)
''Beloved'' is a slaughtered baby, a belligerent ghost, a single word carved on a headstone, and hands down the greatest novel ever written about American slavery.

4. The Liars’ Club, Mary Karr (1995) [read this in a book club and liked it, the author also wrote a memoir of her druggie years, guess her crazy childhood panned out]
Mother was much married and ''Nervous.'' Daddy liked to drink. Their home in Leechfield, Tex., was definitely ''Not Right.'' The dysfunctional childhood is now a staple of memoirs, but no one has handled the material with more artistry and wit.

5. American Pastoral, Philip Roth (1997)
After crazy Portnoy, priapic Sabbath, and manic early Zuckerman, Roth launched a resplendent new chapter of his career with this mature elegy for bourgeois mid-20th-century values, for middle-class industrial Newark, for all the lost promise of the handsome, dreamy Swede. Bonus: It teaches you how to make gloves.

6. Mystic River, Dennis Lehane (2001)
A young girl is murdered; a father seeks revenge; a grimy multigenerational urban tragedy unfolds. Clint Eastwood's film is marvelous, but Lehane's brooding novel is even richer.

7. Maus, Art Spiegelman (1986/1991) [read parts of this cause it was assigned reading in my kid's 8th grade English class, graphic novel so it gets major points]
In Spiegelman's two-part retelling of his Polish- born father's experience in the Holocaust, the Jews are mice; the Germans, cats; the Americans, dogs. This harrowing masterpiece paved the way for a generation of graphic memoirists.

8. Selected Stories, Alice Munro (1996)
For 40 years, Munro has steadily churned out stunning short stories that read like compressed novels, conveying the sweep of a lifetime in a paragraph.

9. Cold Mountain, Charles Frazier (1997) [read this years ago and fumbled my way through it, i found it long and boring, but have yet to see the movie]
A walking tour of the lunacy of war, the power of memory, and the souls of men.

10. The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle, Haruki Murakami (1997)
Murakami is a sly novelist for whom good and evil, fate and free will, and past and present are strange bedfellows. Here, Toru Okada's cat disappears — and sets in motion a mystery so surreal it would weird out David Lynch.

11. Into Thin Air, Jon Krakauer (1997)
On May 10, 1996, Krakauer scaled Mount Everest. Eight other climbers lost their lives that day. Less than one year later, the guilt-ridden author released his searingly honest account, one of the best adventure books ever.

12. Blindness, José Saramago (1998) [I've read Saramago's The Double and loved it!]
An unforgettable fable about a city in the grip of a blindness epidemic. The good news: It's riveting. The bad news: This portrait of how mankind responds to desperate circumstances…well, it ain't togetherness.

13. Watchmen, Alan Moore and Dave Gibbons (1986–87) [Watchmen! Need I say more?]
The greatest superhero story ever told and proof that comics are capable of smart, emotionally resonant narratives worthy of the label literature.

14. Black Water, Joyce Carol Oates (1992)
In just 154 pages, Oates delivers a knockout punch of a novel inspired by Chappaquiddick, the archetypal story of an idealistic woman done in by the carelessness of a powerful man.

15. A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius, Dave Eggers (2000)
The magazines, the literacy centers, the philanthropic efforts for Sudanese refugees: The whole McSweeney's phenomenon started with Eggers' mischievous, affecting memoir about raising his kid brother at age 21 after the sudden death of both their parents.

16. The Handmaid’s Tale, Margaret Atwood (1986) [One of the most influential books I've read, this was on The Big Read's list too, as it should be]
After 1984 came and went without ado, we needed a new futuristic dystopia to haunt our sleep. Atwood obliged, dreaming up the Republic of Gilead, a grim theocracy where women are valued solely for their ability to bear children.

17. Love in the Time of Cholera, Gabriel García Márquez (1988)
Nobelist García Márquez's luxuriant work of magical realism, about star-crossed lovers in an unnamed Caribbean nation, has rightly become a classic.

18. Rabbit at Rest, John Updike (1990)
Popping roasted peanuts and still unable to resist a pretty woman (even one married to his own son), Rabbit drifts to his death — as baffled and rudderless as when he debuted in 1960. A majestic finale to Updike’s quartet.

19. On Beauty, Zadie Smith (2005)
A rich, old-fashioned novel about contemporary cultural politics, this plummy saga about a mixed- race family in New England is the third — and finest — book by the prodigiously gifted British author.

20. Bridget Jones’s Diary, Helen Fielding (1998)
We love this ditzy Brit diarist for her pratfalls, endearing bad habits, and dead-on characterizations of Singletons and Smug Marrieds (v.v.g.!).

21. On Writing, Stephen King (2000)
When he wasn't cranking out pop classics like The Shining and Carrie, King was battling alcoholism and the effects of a debilitating 1999 car accident. He recounts both his good times and bad in this memoir, which boasts his tautest writing — and some of the soundest advice to writers set to paper.

22. The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao, Junot Díaz (2007)
Díaz creates his own language — a vigorous high-low street Spanglish — to write about Oscar, the tubby sci-fi geek hero from a Dominican immigrant family.

23. The Ghost Road, Pat Barker (1996)
In the final, gripping book of her WWI trilogy — possibly the best books written about those dreadful years — Barker brings back Billy Prior, sent again to the trenches in France after recovering from shell shock.

24. Lonesome Dove, Larry McMurtry (1985)
The heart sinks at page 50 of this loamy novel about genial cowpoke Gus, good-natured whore Lorena, cruel Blue Duck, and a very long cattle drive. Not because there are 800 pages left, but because there are only 800 pages left.

25. The Joy Luck Club, Amy Tan (1989) [read this years ago as well, and yeah, it deserves to be on a list]
Four elderly Chinese women with iron wills forged in the old country act out family dramas with their American-born daughters in ways that resonate for anyone with a mother.

26. Neuromancer, William Gibson (1984) [I just read this recently and am beyond ecstatic that its listed here]
This sci-fi novel brought the hacker ethos, artificial reality, and cyberspace to the mainstream — and boldly anticipated the wired way we live today.

27. Possession, A.S. Byatt (1990) [I always think no one is even aware of this book, but here it is on two lists and it deserves to be]
This fat prize- winning novel is impossible to classify — a ribald academic comedy, a love story, a cerebral literary mystery, a voluptuous page-turner.

28. Naked, David Sedaris (1997)
Last year, The New Republic accused Sedaris of ''flubberizing the truth for comic effect.'' Well, duh. Anyone who fell off their Barcalounger laughing at ''Dinah the Christmas Whore'' already knew that — and didn't care.

29. Bel Canto, Anne Patchett (2001) [I've read this but don't remember being affected much]
A South American embassy throws a birthday bash for a Japanese electronics mogul. A famed opera singer is on the guest list. The terrorists who swarm in through the air-conditioning vents are not. The diva's performance works miracles even with the terrorists, but it's Patchett who really sings.

30. Case Histories, Kate Atkinson (2004)
A case study in ingenious genre- bending, this sublime character- driven mystery includes troubled sisters, sex crimes, and a Cambridge-based PI.

31. The Things They Carried, Tim O'Brien (1990)
James Frey could have learned from O'Brien, who openly marries fiction with autobiographical fact in his inspired stab at deeper truths about the Vietnam War.

32. Parting the Waters, Taylor Branch (1988)
The first installment of a richly detailed three-volume history of Martin Luther King Jr. and the civil rights movement.

33. The Year of Magical Thinking, Joan Didion (2005)
In a single year, Didion lost her husband and watched her only daughter battle a grave illness (to which she would eventually succumb). Here, she diagrams her soul- crushing pain with characteristically cool precision.

34. The Lovely Bones, Alice Sebold (2002) [oh yes, LOVE this book, should be required reading]
A dead teen named Susie Salmon (''I was fourteen when I was murdered on December 6, 1973'') narrates Sebold's supple and unnerving first novel.

35. The Line of Beauty, Alan Hollinghurst (2004)
This glorious social novel is set in Thatcher’s Britain, when AIDS was just starting to spoil all the freewheeling fun.

36. Angela’s Ashes, Frank McCourt (1996) [damn,this list is good!]
''When I look back on my childhood, I wonder how I survived it all.'' After reading your ravishing memoir, Frank, so do we.

37. Persepolis, Marjane Satrapi (2003) [3rd graphic novel, not that I'm counting or anything...]
Another sign that comics have matured: this wry illustrated memoir about growing up in Iran during the violent upheavals of the 1970s and '80s.

38. Birds of America, Lorrie Moore (1998)
The standout in Moore's brilliant collection: ''People Like That Are the Only People Here,'' a briskly tragic tale about a mother and her gravely ill child.

39. Interpreter of Maladies, Jhumpa Lahiri (2000)
We've now been spoiled by two more books from Lahiri, but neither surpasses her luminous debut.

40. His Dark Materials, Philip Pullman (1995–2000)
Pullman's acclaimed fantasy trilogy is a grand, intellectually daring adventure through the cosmos.

41. The House on Mango Street, Sandra Cisneros (1984)
In delicate vignettes, Cisneros depicts a girl growing up poor with six siblings in '80s Chicago.

42. LaBrava, Elmore Leonard (1983)
Why LaBrava and not Get Shorty? Or Killshot? Good question — they're all terrific. But we like LaBrava for its almost- smart-enough hero, the louche Miami Beach setting, and the saucy love interest.

43. Borrowed Time, Paul Monette (1988)
The late Monette's pain-drenched memoir about the death of his partner, Roger Horwitz, is a timeless reminder of a time when AIDS was untreatable

44. Praying for Sheetrock, Melissa Fay Greene (1991)
A Faulknerian nonfiction portrait of the racial complexities of the South, focusing on one Georgia county in the 1970s and '80s.

45. Eva Luna, Isabel Allende (1988)
A beautiful servant with a magical gift for storytelling, Eva enjoys ever more enchanted journeys until she meets the man of her destiny.

46. Sandman, Neil Gaiman (1988–1996) [OMG, can I love this list any more?]
Channeling Tolkien and superhero innovator Jack Kirby, Gaiman creates a romantic, tragic dream king who straddles mythology and imagination, battling Lucifer and serving as muse to Shakespeare. A classic work of fantasy lit in comics form.

47. World’s Fair, E.L. Doctorow (1985)
In this autobiographical novel, 1930s New York City comes vividly to life through the eyes of a 9-year-old Bronx boy.

48. The Poisonwood Bible, Barbara Kingsolver (1998)
An epic about a zealous missionary who drags his wife and daughters to the Belgian Congo in 1959 — and to a hell largely of his own making.

49. Clockers, Richard Price (1992)
This compassionate, tough-minded novel about a young black drug dealer anticipated HBO’s The Wire.

50. The Corrections, Jonathan Franzen (2001)
Before the kerfuffle with Oprah: his splendid, talky family saga. —Jennifer Reese, Jeff Jensen, Tina Jordan, and Kate Ward

Whew, I'm exhausted due to my excited reactions to seeing so many of my faves on this list. I added several books to The Big Read, but I don't feel that's so necessary here (with the exception of The Kite Runner). Neil Gaiman and Alan Moore are both represented. I am definitely more familiar with the books that I haven't read here, as opposed to the other list, and several are on my to do list. There are some duplicates as well. So the accountant in me did the percentages. I've read 18% of this list as opposed to 32% of The Big Read. I wonder what that says about me....

Lollapalooza 2008

This past weekend was the eagerly awaited concert event of the year for me. Having been a traveling Lolla veteran of 1992 and 2003 (which I had completely forgotten), this was my first time at Lolla's one-time Chicago destination. I have to admit the Gotham City location added to my excitement.



My plane was delayed out of Philly due to bad storms in Chi-town but all that was forgotten when upon arriving at the airport, Sergio greets me with the amazing news that we get to see The Gutter Twins at a Lolla after party sponsored by Spin Magazine. Once over my disbelief, I couldn't believe my luck! I was going to see The Gutter Twins at a club in Chicago, after a day in the park and for free! I'm exhausted just thinking about how exciting that was.

Ok, so Day 1 started with getting oriented to the CTA (Blue Line!) and the layout of the festival in Grant Park. My music consisted of The Black Keys (rock!), a little bit of Cat Power, The Raconteurs (major rock - I was blown away) and ended with none other than Radiohead!! This was my first time seeing Radiohead and they did not disappoint. Of course the field was huge and I was way in the back but the light show and set list were great, and it was supplemented by fireworks over Lake Michigan, not that the show needed any more atmosphere. Wow. But the night was young.....

The crowds on the streets were insane after the show. All 3 days sold out, so that's 75,000 people let loose in Chicago each night. After wandering around a bit, we found a cab and made our way to Reggie's for the after show. Our names were on the list! Does it Offend You, Yeah? were supposed to do a DJ set but somehow lost their equipment and made do with a CD player. Spin even had free drinks, but they weren't really drinkable. By the time the Gutter Twins took the stage, the club was packed. My second wind had taken hold. Dulli seemed to be in a good mood and the band was real tight. They played several new songs that I'm hoping will be on the forthcoming EP: Feathers, Flow Like a River, and Change Has Come. Mark's voice was intense, I wish I could remember which song it was but at one point, he blew me away more than usual. At the end of the set, I snagged the set list. Yay! After a long ass train ride, we arrived back at our hotel and completely crashed.

Day 2 - I woke with a start. Oh shit, gotta get ready and go see the Gutter Twins again! Sergio and I barely made it to the park for the GT's 2:30 show. I was running across the field when I heard the music start. Why does nothing excite me so much as music? I was talking to a guy at the airport and he referred to his musical obsession as his 'problem'. I'd prefer to call it a 'passion', but really at this point, shouldn't I engage in a more philanthropic pastime? Even in the midst of all this excitement, I can't help the inane pondering.



After the Gutter Twins set we made our way over to Perry's, a dj tent, but we had just received a text that Slash was going to make a special appearance during Perry Farrell's set. After waiting forever, Slash finally showed up but never played a lick because something was wrong with the sound equipment. Apparently Slash and Perry won the kids over on Sunday at Kidzapalooza. After much texting and phone calls, we finally met up with my friend Justin with a chance walk by. He took us over to see Explosions in the Sky, which are a progressive instrumental band that now qualify as the biggest find of the festival for me.


Ok, here's where it starts to get a little hazy, but still totally fun. We hung out at green street for a bit, did some shopping and catching up with Erin. Next up was the Toadies but not before a stop at the bar for some beer and wine. I was feeling no pain. When the Toadies launched into Possum Kingdom, it was all over for me. For years I've said that song was at the top of my 'to do' list, and though its not checked off yet, to hear it live and at Lollapalooza was definitely the next best thing. From there it was directly to Rage. Now I've seen Rage at Coachella 2007 and as insane as that was, Lolla was more so. Zack stopped the show 3 times pleading with the crowd to take steps back and take care of each other. Luckily my altered state of mind provided me with a no-fear mindset. But Sergio and I did bow out of the crowd early - the porta potties were calling my name. (I've finally figured out a way to overcome the gag factor.) Making our way out of the crowd was no easy feat though. The after Rage wind down consisted of a long, fast walk to Navy Pier and tons of grub. Then another long ass walk and long ass train ride before crashing could be commenced.


Day 3 - We decided to take it a little easier today being Day 2 was chock full of constant action and no rest. From a nice spot on a tree covered slope, I took in the Jon Butler Trio and Iron and Wine. From there it was an attempt at Saul Williams, via the Flogging Molly crowd. We eventually settled at Blues Traveler, for a traditional, rocking show. Gnarls Barkley were next and I finally redeemed myself after being lame and tired and missing their set at Coachella 06.
Gnarls were another highlight for me. Surprisingly, they covered Radiohead! Then it was another trek through a tight crowd partying at Girl Talk on the way over to NIN. Trent is calling this tour "Lights in the Sky over North America 2008". And it lived up to its name. I've seen NIN a few times and this was the best. The music, the lights, the sound, the Chicago skyline framing the stage - a perfect way to end the festival. Trent even got a little nostalgic about the first Lollapalooza and all the years that have passed - and then he went right into Hurt - brought me to tears.

Yet again, the night was still young. After resting on the lawn at Millenium Park, we stopped at the fountain to see what all the hooting and hollering was about. People were having tons of fun. The night finally ended after a feast at Miller's and the last long train ride back to the hotel. I had an amazing time. Can't wait till next year!

Tales of a Neurotic Woman

My girls went on vacation with their dad, as they always do, twice each summer. This time he took them to Montreal. There was a huge ruckus on Saturday as my innocent children couldn't get past the border without their birth certificates. I must have received a dozen phone calls. I was out of town as well so it was hours later when I was finally able to fax over their birth certificates and they were able to enter Canada. (I'll refrain from making smart comments about my ex's wisdom in all this, not to mention the fact that my kid's were not the only ones without proper identification - ok so I tried to refrain). This was all resolved about 8pm on Saturday. It is now past noon on Monday and I have not heard from them since. I've called 5 cell phone numbers and left messages numerous times. I cannot call the hotel since I don't know where they are staying. My mind is reeling with thoughts of well-executed abductions including birth certificates willingly provided by the custodial parent.

Update: I've since heard from them and it seems they are in the only place in North America with no cell phone reception. I'm trying to figure out why I immediately went to the worst place possible. I did this a couple of weeks ago too, when a phone call at the end of a 5 minute walk never came. I usually assume the best unless I have a reason to otherwise. Maybe it's cause they're on the tail end of growing up and my influence is waning. This deep seated fear I never had before has suddenly reared its ugly head. I don't like it and I don't like the feeling.

There's another feeling I've had lately that I don't like. It's reminiscent of a deep, dark place I used to dwell in full of emotional intensity and addictive roller coasters rides. I used to revel in dwelling there, like there was no truth beyond it, no better place from which to view reality. Anything else was an illusion. I thrived on it, and it did me some good then. It was a place I needed to go to survive, at a time in my life that welcomed it. Even when I no longer required it, a piece of me remained, inextricably tied there. Finally and cautiously I moved beyond it. I haven't fully examined what it means to live where I now reside, joy is still sometimes elusive and love even more so, but I am happy to be here. These old feelings have awakened in me a desire to move further away from them, to continue to search out experiences of joy and light, and love. I've had an odd wish today to drink a glass of wine and dance, just dance as if dancing will set me free.

A Full Moon and The Dark Knight

Holy Fucking Movie Batman! I have so much to say about this movie and the experience surrounding it, but due to construction on the Schuylkill it took me over an hour to get home, so it will have to wait until tomorrow. (I actually wrote myself notes while sitting in traffic). If anyone plans to go, do not delay, go now!!

Ok, its time for the real recap of my TDK exerpience:

As the title says, last night was a full moon which I thought was highly appropriate for the night's adventure. As i said in my previous post, my tickets were free courtesy of my cable/internet/phone company. The movie was being shown at the UA Main Street 6 in Manayunk. I wore my bat tee for the occasion and upon arriving immediately realized how lame that was. We picked up our tickets and made our way to the nearby Manayunk Diner for some grub. As soon I walked in 2 of the waitstaff complimented me on my tee. OK, so I felt better. But I could hardly eat due to my nervous energy. This wasn't a Tool concert, I was surprised at how excited I was. The waitress even sat down and inquired how long I'd been a bat fan!

After eating, we made our way back to the theatre. We patiently sat through Regal's First Look
and then the 'turn off your cell phones' message. At this point , although the theatre was only half full, you know everyone there was raring to go. And then....nothing! The screen froze and there was no sound. We all sat there looking at each other until a security guard (not an usher mind you, a security guard) came in and told us the movie would be delayed another half hour.
Hmmm, whatever, I passed the time reading a vampire manga book my daughter lent me.

Finally, the previews began - most notably for me were The Spirit and of course, Watchmen.

Spoiler alert: (not really, I don't give away any major plot lines, but just in case)

Then, The Dark Knight began, with a wild opening sequence that I cannot wait to see in IMAX.
This film had much more action and cringe scenes (for me, anyway) than Batman Begins. It's much less of Bruce Wayne's personal story and more of the universal conflict between good and evil, sane and crazy, hero and villian. But taken on the heels of Batman Begins, it was golden.

All the hype over Heath Ledger's Joker was right on. This was really his movie. Whatever accolades he receives for this role are well deserved. I thought Aaron Eckhart portrayed a very believable Harvey Dent as well.

I also previously wrote about being schooled in Bat lore. I am certainly glad for that because I felt a certain kind of satisfaction at being able to recognize story lines, knowing that the writers did their homework and which of the plot turns did not stay true to the original comics. I was extremely pleased to see that the relationship between Batman and The Joker had the same psychological implications as that that was brought out in The Killing Joke. The scenes and the dialogue between the two characters were just as intense as I'd imagined.

I left the movie to view the sight of the full moon in the night sky, and pondering the themed takeaway questions. Is it better to know the truth even if you are 100% sure it will hurt? What hurts more, the staged reality or the truth? Does the lie truly protect the innocent? Does believing in the lie really help those who it is meant to protect? These themes played out for Batman as well as the good citizens of Gotham City. I couldn't help but think of my bat benefactor and wonder how they are playing out for him at this very moment. How are they playing out for me?

I love it when a movie makes me think, and The Dark Knight met that expectation fully. I can't wait to see it again.

Superheroes

This week I finally got around to seeing Iron Man. I had heard that it was good and was intrigued at the idea of Robert Downey, Jr. as the lead character. My only previous encounter with Tony Stark was through Neil Gaiman's Eternals series, though I was aware of his back story. I thoroughly enjoyed the movie and it's awesome ending, which, for some strange reason was very validating. I had a harder time accepting The Dude as the villian, but that came together by the end as well. Must be those iron suits.

Next up is The Dark Knight. While by no means am I an expert on Batman, I do consider myself pretty well versed in Bat lore. I loved Batman Begins and I am beyond excited for The Dark Knight. I've been greedily devouring every preview, behind the scenes, interviews, articles, photos, etc I can get my hands on.I planned to see it in IMAX but had to wait till Sunday of opening weekend because the other times were already sold out. Then yesterday I get an email from my cable company offering free tickets for Thursday, before opening night! I jumped at the chance and scored my tickets!

Now here is the catch - I left Iron Man thinking Robert Downey Jr. (as Tony Stark) could be my superhero anyday, and I obviously feel the same way about Christian Bale's Bruce Wayne. However in real life, multi-millionaire, corporate, fast-car driving, suited men don't do a thing for me. Mind you, I've never met one, but you'd think that my values and tastes would translate to the big screen, and historically they have. So I've boiled it down to this - it's not the magic of the movies or Hollywood - it's the power of the comic, the fact that I've read these characters before, and of course the biggest aspect is the superhero factor. If I feel a connection to someone it doesn't matter what his day job is, and that goes for mogul superheroes as well. I can't wait for Thursday....

The Big Read

I stole this from Kali who stole it from Chrys:

The Big Read thinks the average adult has only read six of the top 100 books they've printed below.

1) Look at the list and bold those you have read.
2) Italicize those you intend to read.
3) Underline the books you LOVE. (Well, I can't figure out how to underline on here, so I'm going to star the ones I LOVE).
4) Reprint this list in your own blog so we can try and track down these people who've read 6 and force books upon them.


1. Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen
2. The Lord of the Rings - JRR Tolkien
3. Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte
4. Harry Potter Series - JK Rowling
5. To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee**
6. The Bible - I've read some and I have aspirations to read the rest.
7. Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte**
8. Nineteen Eighty Four - George Orwell**
9. His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman
10. Great Expectations - Charles Dickens
11. Little Women - Louisa M Alcott
12. Tess of the D'Urbervilles - Thomas Hardy
13. Catch 22 - Joseph Heller
14. Complete Works of Shakespeare - I'm italicizing because I haven't read the complete works, but I've read enough.
15. Rebecca - Daphne Du Maurier
16. The Hobbit - JRR Tolkien
18. Catcher in the Rye - JD Salinger**
19. The Time Traveler's Wife - Audrey Niffenegger
20. Middlemarch - George Eliot
21. Gone With The Wind - Margaret Mitchell
22. The Great Gatsby - F Scott Fitzgerald
23. Bleak House - Charles Dickens
24. War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy
25. The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams (the first one)
26. Brideshead Revisited - Evelyn Waugh
27. Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoyevsky
28. Grapes of Wrath - John Steinbeck
29. Alice in Wonderland - Lewis Carroll
30. The Wind in the Willows - Kenneth Grahame
31. Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy
32. David Copperfield - Charles Dickens
33. Chronicles of Narnia - CS Lewis
34. Emma - Jane Austen
35. Persuasion - Jane Austen
36. The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe - CS Lewis
37. The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini**
38. Captain Corelli's Mandolin - Louis De Bernieres
39. Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden
40. Winnie the Pooh - AA Milne
41. Animal Farm - George Orwell
42. The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown**(for the leads it gave me)
43. One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
44. A Prayer for Owen Meaney - John Irving
45. The Woman in White - Wilkie Collins
46. Anne of Green Gables - LM Montgomery (the first one)
47. Far From The Madding Crowd - Thomas Hardy
48. The Handmaid's Tale - Margaret Atwood**
49. Lord of the Flies - William Golding
50. Atonement - Ian McEwan
51. Life of Pi - Yann Martel
52. Dune - Frank Herbert
53. Cold Comfort Farm - Stella Gibbons
54. Sense and Sensibility - Jane Austen
55. A Suitable Boy - Vikram Seth
56. The Shadow of the Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zafon
57. A Tale Of Two Cities - Charles Dickens
58. Brave New World - Aldous Huxley**
59. The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time - Mark Haddon
60. Love In The Time Of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
61. Of Mice and Men - John Steinbeck
62. Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov
63. The Secret History - Donna Tartt
64. The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold
65. Count of Monte Cristo - Alexandre Dumas
66. On The Road - Jack Kerouac
67. Jude the Obscure - Thomas Hardy
68. Bridget Jones' Diary - Helen Fielding
69. Midnight's Children - Salman Rushdie
70. Moby Dick - Herman Melville
71. Oliver Twist - Charles Dickens
72. Dracula - Bram Stoker
73. The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson Burnett
74. Notes From A Small Island - Bill Bryson
75. Ulysses - James Joyce
76. The Bell Jar - Sylvia Plath
77. Swallows and Amazons - Arthur Ransome
78. Germinal - Emile Zola
79. Vanity Fair - William Makepeace Thackeray
80. Possession - AS Byatt
81. A Christmas Carol - Charles Dickens
82. Cloud Atlas - David Mitchell
83. The Color Purple - Alice Walker
84. The Remains of the Day - Kazuo Ishiguro
85. Madame Bovary - Gustave Flaubert
86. A Fine Balance - Rohinton Mistry
87. Charlotte's Web - EB White
88. The Five People You Meet In Heaven - Mitch Albom
89. Adventures of Sherlock Holmes - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
90. The Faraway Tree Collection - Enid Blyton
91. Heart of Darkness - Joseph Conrad
92. The Little Prince - Antoine De Saint-Exupery
93. The Wasp Factory - Iain Banks
94. Watership Down - Richard Adams
95. A Confederacy of Dunces - John Kennedy Toole
96. A Town Like Alice - Nevil Shute
97. The Three Musketeers - Alexandre Dumas
98. Hamlet - William Shakespeare
99. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - Roald Dahl
100. Les Miserables - Victor Hugo

Well, I've read way more than 6 and some of them twice (mainly the books I was assigned to read during school, just to see if they'd have the same effect on a mature me vs. a teenage me. And they did. Heathcliff and Holden still rock my world). I'm going to add some as well:

American Gods - Neil Gaiman**(had to get some Neil on the list)
V for Vendetta - Alan Moore** (graphic novel representation)
The Secret Life of Bees - Sue Monk Kidd**
Angela's Ashes - Frank McCourt**
Women Who Run With the Wolves - Clarissa Pinkola Estes**

Disguises and Marital Advice

This is the min-blog, or jet-lagged blog before the real-deal blog which I'll get to at some point. Two things have stuck with me over the past few days that I want to write about. I was at a bridal shower yesterday and one of the 'games' we played was to write a bit of marital advice for the new couple on a card. The cards were then read aloud to the bride-to-be and she picked her top 5. The winners got prizes. This is what I wrote:

"Always make time for each other. Share your interests and your passions. Be friends."

It was a winner! Considering the demise of my own marriage, and my relation to the bride-to-be, I could not be considered an expert by any means on marriage. But I was flattered that I won.I do believe in what I wrote. I also believe that when my advice is not happening, or the parties could care less about sharing anything, the relationship is way over. I hope her relationship includes sharing and being friends, and does so for a very long time. I love the girl.

Saturday morning at the airport gate waiting for my flight from JFK to Philly, I noticed this guy. I noticed him because of his big bushy mustache. Then I saw his sleek body and nice physique which totally contradicted the out of date mustache. So then (and remember I am running on nothing, having just flown overnight from Seattle), I finally notice the sunglasses, weird longish blonde hair and red baseball cap. I realize the cap and hair is a wig, and the whole thing is a disguise. As I was watching him, he kept changing seats. I don't even know which flight he eventually got on, I think he was making a concerted effort to blend in, meanwhile to me, he stood out like a sore thumb. I'm sure he was some famous actor, but if he wasn't in disguise, I probably wouldn't have given him a second glance.

The whole idea of standing out more because you want to hide is what's running through my brain. Especially since, and I may blog deeper about this at some point, part of my trip was the realization that despite all the work I've done over the years, all the books I've read, the efforts I've made to be real, to live up to my authentic self - I am still not completely there. Its frustrating. Will I ever be?

The Spaces Between the Stars

I just finished reading The Merlin Effect, written by T.A. Barron. It was one of my daughter's reading olympics books. I always have a pile of books on my nightstand which my daughters add to whenever they've finished a book that they feel I must read as well. I was intrigued by the title, the connection to King Arthur, and not the least by the pangs of guilt because I still need to read The Mists of Avalon.

The Merlin Effect is about a young girl, Kate, in Baja for a research project with her father, a historian. The other members of the team consisted of Isabella, a marine biologist and Terry, a geologist. All 3 were participating for their own gains under the ruse of being a team. Her father was looking for The Resurrection, a 1547 Spanish galleon lost at sea and through folk legend rumored to have carried Merlin's horn. The marine biologist was studying sea life and the geologist, undersea volcanic activity. I loved the different themes played out in this story- science, myth, history, spirituality - even more so since this is a young adult book - and one my kid thoroughly enjoyed.

Certain parts of the book struck me, which is why I knew I should write about it. Kate's in-depth conversation with Isabella, regarding the spiral of DNA and the evolutionary creation of life, began with "All the future lies within the present" and ended with my favorite quote:

"Just as every star is part of creation, so are all the empty spaces between the stars."

Kate's conversation with Geoffrey towards the end of their adventure held more favorite quotes and life affirming realizations: "If you can choose, you can create." The magic of the horn has more to do with renewed life than everlasting life. It turns out Kate had the power all along, the knowledge that she could choose her own life, each and every day - to begin again. This has nothing to do with age, for each moment holds it own beauty and promise of hope and potential for change. It's our choice to make something of these moments and days in our lives, old or young, the lesson pertains to all of us.

"Never doubt the spiral horn,
Holds a power newly born,
Holds a power newly great,
Holds a power you create."

At the same time I was reading this book, I was also obsessing on a song by Dan Wilson, Free Life. Here are the lyrics:

Let's take a little trip down where we used to go
It's way beyond the strip a place they call your soul
We'll sit down for a while and let the evening roll


Don't worry 'bout the time we'll find a place to stay
The people 'round here seem familiar in some way
Look kinda like we did before we got so cold


And in the air the questions hang
Will we get to do something
Who we gonna end up being
How we gonna end up feeling
What you gonna spend your free life on?
Free life

Let's fall in love again with music as our guide
We'll raise our ready hands and let go for the ride
Down into unknown lands where lovers needn't hide


We got these lives for free we don't know where they've been
We don't know where they'll go when we are through with them
The starlight of the sun the dark side of the moon


And in the air the questions hang
Will we get to do something
Who we gonna end up being
How we gonna end up feeling
What you gonna spend your free life on?
Free life
Free life
Free life


It seems so long ago those empty afternoons
With nowhere much to go and nothing much to do
But sit up in my room and let the world unfold


In the air the questions hang
Will we get to do something
Who we gonna end up being
How we gonna end up feeling
What you gonna spend your free life on?


In the air the questions hang
Will we get to do something
Who we gonna end up being
How we gonna end up feeling
What you gonna spend your free life on?
Free life
Free life
Free life
Free life

I kept coming back to this song after I finished the book. I thought they went well together, both reminders that we get to choose, this life is ours, given to us free. The years, months, days, hours, minutes - -it's basically up to us - it's up to me to decide where I want to live, what I want to do, who I want to spend it with. Sure, there are obligations, but at the end of the day, we only have to live with ourselves.

I just love how synchronicity bestows itself upon me. From the moment years ago, when I decided to pay attention, it hasn't failed me. Besides the obvious message, I'm not exactly sure what this song and book may be leading me to, but they are just the most recent two in a flurry of similar ideas being thrown my way. I can't let go of the Tool connection either, (a very personal one), and I wonder what the next step will be....

The Waiting Room

As I usually do on weekend evenings when I stay in (which is 99.9% of weekend evenings), I watch a movie on demand from my cable carrier. Last night's choices were The Darjeeling Limited, Eastern Promises, Superheroes, and The Waiting Room. And my choice, more often than I care to admit leans toward a love story. From the preview The Waiting Room seemed to be a love at first sight type of movie and I'm always curious to see how that works out. The romantic in me has not completely ruled out the possibility. Spoiler alert from here on in: I thoroughly enjoyed the movie, the plot lines for the two main characters were interesting and very real, however the plot involving the two of them together was practically non-existent. The two meet by chance in the waiting room of a train station, exchange only niceties, yet can't get each other out of their minds. Life goes on and at the very end of the movie, they meet again in the same place, and walk off holding hands. Even the most hopelessly romantic cannot be hopeful in this situation. Could we have at least a conversation? A connection, something they have in common? During the movie we learn that the man is not ready for kids, meanwhile the woman has one. And we're supposed to believe things will work out in the end? Another crazy thing that bugged me was that the man's live-in girlfriend was painting and redecorating their apartment. When they split up, he stayed in the apartment! I know that's petty, but I thought she should have kicked him out. Maybe I was looking for more of the falling in love story, no, that's exactly what I was looking for. Like I said, I did enjoy the movie overall, but I would have liked more meat in their story.

The moral of the story is that the movie started me thinking about my own life and love. Have I ever met someone and instantly known that it was love at first sight? Hell no. But have I known on first 'meeting', that this encounter might lead to something else? Yes. I've only ever thought I was in love twice, and now after the fact I question if it really was love. Does love only count when you're in the midst of it? For as long as I've lived this life, I'm still rather clueless when it comes to matters of the heart. Not my own heart, I know that one pretty well, but I am not as good at reading other people's. I truly believe love and joy are two of our primary purposes as human beings, but I question whether that love is meant to be of the romantic kind. I'm not looking for love nor am I lacking for love in my life, but the mystery is still out there. What if? When? Where? Why? and perhaps most mysteriously, Who?

Tonight I will stay away from those types of movies ;)

To Blog or Not to Blog

My head is literally full of ideas for blogs, most of which I forget soon after I think them up. But in this blog attempt, I thought I should write about the reason I set up this blogger account. If not for any potential readers, then to rationalize it for myself. Honestly, I’ve occasionally thought about setting up a blog for a few years. I was once told that ‘blogs are just a call for attention’, which served to put the idea right out of my head. But this time I took the plunge, mostly as a challenge to myself, to see if I could devote the time necessary to maintain and update a blog on a semi-regular basis.

Those that know me know that writing is one my desires. Sharing is one of my pitfalls. Reading is also a passion of mine. I decided a few years ago that my ultimate ‘to do’ in life would be to own and run a book shop - a funky little bookshop, including books and graphic novels with a political, social, cultural, environmental, spiritual bend. The shop would feature discussion groups, various events and of course coffee. I imagine it growing into a community of sorts. The shop would be an extension of my own interests and cater to like minded individuals. In my heart, this would be an amazing way of life.

However, the reality is that I’ve got kids to raise and I need my real job to do that. Who knows how I’ll feel when that responsibility is completed. A friend of mine suggested that instead of a brick and mortar shop, I create an online one. I could write reviews and sell books. What a great idea! In my mind I envisioned an interactive site, where readers/customers could leave their own reviews and comments. Perhaps I could even sell coffee according to my original plan. I immediately researched the cost of a website and obtaining a name and business license – all reasonable costs. I spoke to my girls and they suggested that they each contribute a section catering to their own interests, such as anime and history.

My biggest concern was time. Would I have the time to keep it up and running? Would I or my kids lose interest? Would I start and not follow through? Would I stress myself out? Would I actually write and post reviews? So my solution for the time being was this blog. For now, I’ll see where it takes me.

The Primary and China

So today is the big PA primary. I’m glad all those calls from Hilary and Bill will stop now. I only received one from Obama’s camp and it was a real person. Interesting. I took my 12 year olds with me to vote. We walked to the polling place (it is Earth day after all). I had them in the booth with me and let them each push some buttons. During our walk there and back home, I tried my best to explain the whole voting process. It was one of those things where I confused them enough, I could tell they just wanted me to shut up already. It isn’t just the kids that are confused. I wish this country’s big problems weren’t so big that somebody could take a look at the way we vote. I’m not just talking about the machines and the count, the whole damn set up. I barely touched on superdelegates. Add to the confusion the fact that each state is done differently, does anybody really understand what the hell is going on? If so, I’d like to know, in the simplest way possible. I voted for the party’s presidential candidate as well as 3-7 delegates to the national convention (vote for not more than 7 delegates, 4 males and 3 females) and one alternate delegate (not to mention state and local elections). Right now Hilary is leading Obama 54% - 46%. Reading back what I wrote, this blog barely makes sense.

China? I’ll have to hit on that one another time.

Elihu Vedder and the Rubaiyat of Omar Khayyam

My girls and I took a ride to the Brandywine River Museum today. We had planned it for a while and took advantage of this gorgeous Saturday to take a drive. The main purpose was to see the exhibit, Elihu Vedder and the Rubaiyat of Omar Khayyam. Omar Khayyam was a Persian mathematician and astronomer who wrote this ancient text of quatrains that was first translated in 1859 by Edward Fitzgerald. Elihu Vedder illustrated Fitzgerald's translations in 1884. The best way I can describe the content of the Rubaiyat is -Life and its contradictions - but that’s way too simplistic. As I was going through the exhibit I noted that certain words used over and over again - potter, cup, wine - struck me as obvious metaphors. I thought the museum bookstore would have printed versions of the original works on display, but I only found one tiny version of the text only. I wanted Vedder's gorgeous illustrations as well. The Rubaiyat took on much more meaning for me, with the illustrated interpretations. Vedder used lots of Greek Mythology in his illustrations. It was wonderful having a 12 year old, who having just learned Greek Mythology, added her own interpretations, and upon reading the accompanying posted information, found out she was right! Of course, as I should have known, the Rubaiyat, takes on the same themes I'm seeing everywhere right now.

From http://www.okonlife.com/life/philosophy.htm: "Khayyam understood that it was our fate, our destiny, something beyond our control to be born into this world. He also understood that death was an inevitable fate for anyone who was ever born. He understood that our bodies come from dust and clay, and return to clay. He understood the fantasy of concerning ourselves with the future, as well as the neurosis of staying in our past. He saw that all we have is this ever slipping moment, this now, which itself has a timeless quality. And he understood that in life what is important is that deeper joy and love for which we have infinite yearning, as well as capacity to both receive and emanate. His Rubaiyat force us to ask those ultimate existential questions, and lead us down a path that, unless we are lost along the way or are destabilized by the abyss which we must traverse, must inevitably reach the same answer. Those ultimate truths that in life all that matters is love and joy. All else is fantasy and fallacy."

When I returned home, I went straight to Amazon to order a copy and found out that the only editions they had were hardcover and $200! I should note that my knowledge of Omar stemmed from a TV show (embarrassing I know) and I happened to see an advertisement for this exhibit soon after. The museum grounds offered a pretty trail along the Brandywine River. I've already decided my next trip down that way will include the Delaware Art Museum for the Botero exhibit and the Brandywine Battlefield Park. Of course, no trip down Wilmington Pike is complete without stopping at Jimmy Johns' for a hot dog and a bite of nostalgia.